Belief in God is Also Belief in Ourselves

Acts 2:1-21

I didn’t expect that it would be so strikingly common in my work as a pastor to meet so many people who had very little faith in themselves. Over and over as I would sit down with people, I would listen to them describe in detail their unworthiness. I would listen to them describe how stupid they thought they were, how poor of a Christian they believed they were, how unworthy they felt to do something as simple as reading scripture or a prayer in worship on Sunday.

I think this feeling of unworthiness is a burden that many of us carry, myself included.

On the day of Pentecost in scripture, it says the disciples were all together in one place. This would have been about fifty days after Jesus’ death, and still a considerable time after Jesus’ ascension. They were a small group of people, hiding out in an “upper room” in Jerusalem.

I imagine they were mostly afraid and sorrowful, losing their friend after watching him be murdered by the all powerful Roman empire and the leadership of the temple in Jerusalem.

The disciples were working class people, mostly. The beginning of many of the gospels contain stories of Jesus encountering them in the midst of fishing, a career that is close to the lowest on the ladder of prestige and status in Palestine. I imagine that they not only felt afraid, but also felt completely inadequate in starting the work they understood Jesus left for them to do.

Have you ever felt completely worthless or unworthy? Have you felt a tinge of shame when someone looked at you and told you they needed you to do something important? Or have you ever been skeptical of people’s praise?

I have. I’ve lived my entire life with a nagging feeling of worthlessness. Luckily in my thirties I have come to understand why, and where that comes from. It is a very convincing lie many of us learn to tell ourselves over years and years of our life. It’s both something related to my mental health, and also something that I believe wholeheartedly is a tool of the accuser, Satan, to try and defeat my will to get up and get to the work God is calling me to do. Two things can be true at the same time.

I suspect that the disciples in the upper room needed something to help them overcome the weight of the fear and feeling of inadequacy in the aftermath of Jesus’ departure. And that something was the Holy Spirit. The Gospel of Acts describes a mighty rushing wind and tongues of fire, then. But I think the Holy Spirit can enliven us without all of that today.

I think we need help to simply believe in ourselves the way God believes in us. We need to recognize that believing in the power of God and the redemption of God is to believe that God has offered us a portion of that power, and that we are living lives, today, that have been redeemed by the saving power of Jesus. Belief in God is also Belief in Ourselves.

Whether or not tongues of fire float above our heads or the winds rush about us, its the belief that we are not unworthy, that we do have something to offer, that we are enough, that holds the true power. And when that belief comes to life in the midst of community? That’s when the power becomes undeniable.